1. Don’t distrust or begrudge your partner when you have a disagreement. If you can’t come to some agreement, then simply trust and forgive them and move on.
2. Don’t hold grudges. Grudges only serve to eat away at the person who holds on to unhappy feelings of despair. It is best to forgive and forget and move forward. If you are inwardly unhappy, events and situations tend to build and grow and at the most unexpected time, all of the infections that have festered will boil over and spill right into the middle of an argument or disagreement. Holding a grudge is not a healthy way to handle stress or arguments.
3. Don’t focus on what your spouse does wrong all of the time. Look for and focus on what they are doing right and encourage them with positive comments and actions. No one is perfect and any spouse can search for and find things that a spouse does that seems wrong to them.
4. Don’t forget to hug your partner. A firm hug and a soft touch can change our moods and brighten our days. Couples who hug keep the excitement going in their relationship and remain much happier for a longer period of time. Sometimes a hug will communicate more than words can say. Use hugs often to show your love and admiration for your spouse.
5. Don’t omit morning greetings. Tell your spouse that you love them and for them to have a nice day before you go to work each day. This will help them battle all the traffic jams, the challenges of work, and their personal struggles with deadlines and stress. Unfortunately, some spouses will be involved in accidents that take their communication abilities or their lives and you will never get another chance to tell them what was on your mind. Never let them leave you without your expression of a sentiment that shows that you really care.
6. Never miss a change to say good night. No matter how you feel or how big the disagreement has been, you should never go to bed mad or fail to say good night. This shows that you are willing to work on the situation and that the relationship that you have built together is larger than any problem you might encounter.
7. Don’t let the day pass without checking on your partner. At some point during the day, call them to see how the day is going for them. This will also help you to check your spouse’s mood before they arrive home from work. If they are having an awful day, you can do something to lift their spirits.
8. Never lose pride in yourself or your relationship with your partner. Just because you have the golden band that cements your commitment to each other, do NOT let your appearance deteriorate. You must keep yourself neatly groomed and attractive at all times. You should keep current with the latest trends in styles and colors and present yourself just as you did when you were “on the market.” Relationships grow stagnant when one or the other gains an excessive amount of weight or lets their hair and clothing styles become outdated. You should take pride in yourself and your appearance with careful attention to details.
9. Don’t make decisions without consulting your spouse before you make a final commitment to any situation. Check with your partner to see if they are in agreement and support the facts that are causing you to formulate your plan of action. Let them know that you are willing to compromise and that their opinion is of value to you.
10. Don’t forget the things that you used to enjoy doing as a couple and begin to add new activities to that list. If you completely abandon the things you did as you dated, then your relationship is heading for stormy waters. These enjoyable events drew you together and caused you to fall in love; don’t throw them away after a commitment is made between the two of you.
11. Don’t be rude. Good manners and practical ideas can keep you from seeming rude and indifferent to your mate. Continue to open doors, pull out dining chairs, and help your spouse whenever the need arises. Ladies should always go first and men should go behind her in a supportive method. Good manners are always in style and should remain in a relationship to keep respect and honor prevalent.
12. Don’t daydream when you spouse is trying to discuss an important matter. You must be present in the conversation and listen carefully to what is being said. A cordial response that addresses the issue shows that you are actively engaged in this conversation. A spouse should NOT have to repeat over and over the last sentence that they said. Pay attention and respond!
13. Don’t forget to laugh. If you laughed before you were married, you should still be laughing together. Laughter is free and you cannot be mad if you are laughing. It will ease tension and cause an understanding to develop in your relationship that will be very rewarding.
14. Don’t just view the world from your point of view. As you mature and grow together, you and your spouse will change your thoughts and feelings about the subjects which you actively discussed before you got married. Ask questions; learn how your spouse feels about an issue that you are beginning to think about. Together you can share world events and issues that will facilitate more positive discussions of smaller things you will be talking about at home.
15. Don’t martyr yourself. Don’t fall into the trap of doing all the work around the house and then lamenting how you have to tend to all the chores and never get any help. Once the work is done you have no leverage; all you can do is whine and complain. If you want to do all of the household duties, then so be it, but don’t do them and then try to martyr yourself into a revered position.
16. Don’t whine. Whining is for children and a whiner gets no sympathy. State with effective communication what the problem is and what sort of help you need to solve this situation. Whining turns people off; you won’t get the proper type of attention that you are seeking and you will just set the tone for a troubled day or evening. Be adult about stating your needs and desires.
17. Don’t shirk your duties. In a happy relationship, you must do your part. Help with the household chores both the inside tasks and the outside jobs as well. Work around your home as the team you have become. It takes two to tango and it takes two to run a household also! Roll up your sleeves and get to work; don’t wait for someone else to do a job so you won’t have to.
18. Don’t use the silent treatment. Approach every problem with an open mind and willingness to work together toward a common goal. If you choose to not speak to your partner, you are telling them that you don’t value their ideas, their thoughts, or even them as a person. This wound will cut deeply and will damage an otherwise wonderful relationship. It is a selfish way to duck out of an issue and lay the blame on the other person. Step up to the plate and swing for the fences as you battle the forces that will cause disruption in your relationship.
19. Don’t be inattentive to your partner’s stress levels. Many partners are working multiple jobs in our struggling economy and their stress levels are at all time highs. They come home after a job tired and exhausted. This should trigger a positive conversation about something that will raise the mood and spirits of the spouse who is having a difficult moment. Offer to do a menial task for them or take them to a relaxing dinner instead of preparing a meal at home. Be alert for raw emotions that can erupt into confusion and frustration very quickly. Support your spouse during all difficult moments and trying times.
20. Don’t be arrogant and presumptuous. Try to maintain a posture of being humble; have humility and kindness as your mantra on a daily basis. A thoughtful gesture can go a long way in preventing an issue to explode.
A happy couple will experience their relationship from moment to moment each and every day. It is very interesting to discover that the most meaningful things we do in our relationships are the small things that show love, dedication, and devotion.