Being involved in a relationship can be the most rewarding and satisfying part of your life but it is not always going to be perfect. When you get married, it is just the same as beginning a new career; it’s going to be a challenge with which you must persevere if it is to be a success.
You will experience pain, joy, happiness, and weariness sometimes all in the same day!
In recent years, more couples just give up and quit the relationship without giving a second thought to what they might do together to make things work. Just like that new career that you are developing, you must give 100% in any relationship to achieve the level of happiness that you seek to find.
You can repair a relationship that has come unglued or unraveled by following some sound principles and practices that require both partners being committed and devoted to rebuilding the relationship.
Sooner or later marriages develop problems or conflicts that cannot be anticipated or avoided. These situations will have to be resolved with a concentrated effort on the part of both partners as they arise. Often times a relationship is much stronger and much more mature for both individuals.
Rebuilding a your relationship is a complex process that won’t be repaired overnight. You can however try some psychological tricks or but roll up your sleeves and try some of the methods below to begin the healing process.
1. Determine what the problem is. If it is not an obvious problem, consider the choices you might have in deciding what is wrong. Is it money, stress, or distance? The first step on the road to reconstruction of any problem or relationship is to determine the cause of the situation.
2. Begin with a full commitment to rebuild the relationship that was once the center of your happiness. You must devote your entire heart to the effort, not just half of it. This is where you give 110% to repairing the damage that has been done.
3. Get past whoever is right or wrong. Avoid the blame game which will do nothing to foster good will and the hope for a new beginning.
4. Step outside your own viewpoint and look at things from the other person’s perspective. Try to understand how they are feeling and perceiving the situation.
5. Have empathy and compassion for your partner. Their feelings are hurt, they are in pain; they need someone to see what they are seeing through the filters related to their life experiences.
6. Develop a list of the positive things about your relationship. Recall all the fond memories and the enjoyable activities that you have shared. This will emphasize the solid foundation on which you built this relationship in the first place.
7. List the negative aspects of the relationship. If household chores are being done by one person or there are other indications of an unfair workload around the house, then these issues need to be addressed.
8. Be big enough to apologize. Both of you should begin the rebuilding process with an apology for things that have been done and said. This shows that you are truly interested in rekindling the flame that began your relationship and it levels the rebuilding field. Admitting mistakes and commit to moving forward.
9. Decide that you will both be givers in this relationship. A lot of resentment builds up when one person thinks that they are giving all they have and the other person is a taker who receives the benefits of the relationship without much effort. When you give something, ask for something in return as you begin to rebuild your relationship.
10. Consider counseling. A counselor will be a neutral party who won’t take sides but will listen and then repeat exactly what you are saying and hearing to each other. Many times we say one thing and mean another or we hear something totally different than what the intended message was. This person can discover what is broken in the relationship and lead you to ways of fixing the problems.
11. Identify your strengths as a couple. You can list how you handle adversity and any other crisis that might arise. This is an excellent time to compliment each other and try to rebuild self-esteem.
12. List your weaknesses very carefully and compassionately. You will begin to see as you develop this list where your differences of opinion lie and where the room for restructuring should begin. Don’t accuse or berate each other; simply state the facts as you each perceive them.
13. Share control of everything from the remote to the thermostat. If one person is always “in charge” then the other person becomes uninterested and disengaged. Decide to balance the control issue in your relationship with the tiniest of details. Little acorns grow into big trees and small issues can wreck a relationship!
14. Be open and honest. Your relationship didn’t get to this level of brokenness over night and it wasn’t caused by one problem. It will be healthy for you to discuss openly and honestly quite often just what you want or need from the other person and vice versa. Don’t be unkind but be thoughtful and deliberate in your conversations.
15. Keep your expectations realistic. Intelligently consider of what your partner is capable of doing and providing. Revisit these expectations together and talk about progress or failure in meeting these expectations.
16. Work on changing yourself and not your mate. You can’t change them and the sooner you realize this the more peace you will experience. The only person whom you can change is you! You have to come to the decision to change yourself and until you do, you are wasting your time and efforts on any program or campaign for change.
17. Don’t pressure your mate. This will only cause friction between the two of you and drive distance between you. Ask them to do something once and then leave the time to complete the task up to them.
18. Meet the emotional needs of your mate. Everyone needs attention, approval, respect, and support. By being there to offer comfort and security, you will be laying the building blocks for rebuilding your relationship. Make sure that the supply of emotional support that you provide for your spouse is adequate and in good measure.
19. Become friends again. This means that you should spend quality time doing some of the things that you did when you first fell in love. Go on picnics, attend movies, walk hand-in-hand and share a quiet moment. Talk on the phone, talk constantly, and really listen to what is being said. Respond accordingly and demonstrate to your mate that you care enough about them, their thoughts, and their ideas to listen attentively.
20. Rebuild trust. This is the cornerstone in any relationship. It’s hard to develop but only takes a short time to destroy. After destruction of trust, it will take a very long time to reconstruct. You will have to tend and nurture this fragile bond as you would a small child. Monitor your behavior at all times and be aware of how you are treating each other; this will foster the rebuilding of a strong and trusting relationship.
21. Do not lose hope. You have been discouraged and disappointed but you must remember that hard work, dedication, and a new direction can begin anew what you once enjoyed.
22. Make a plan together. You must decide how your relationship will proceed from here. Use every opportunity available to you to begin the process of rebuilding. Just like rebuilding a house after a terrible storm destroys it, you must begin at the foundation and work your way up to the concepts that have been damaged in your relationship.
23. Laugh and have fun with each other. You need to share a hobby or find an activity that interests both of you and have fun with it. This might be a time to try something new that you both have discussed in the past but never made time to do. Now is the time to make time! Laugher is medicine for the soul. Give your souls a good dose of laughter as often as possible.
24. Understand that you will rebuild a new relationship. The rebuilding process is not to recapture the relationship you had. This crisis was caused by whatever was wrong in the old relationship; this is the time for a new direction. Use different approaches and strategies to form a relationship that is much stronger and healthier than the old one was.
25. Begin to think like a couple thinks. You want to be an effective team during this rebuilding process so you must begin to think like an efficient team. You can’t be selfish nor can you be so independent that you won’t give up ideas that an individual would use in problem solving or other situations that might arise. You want to approach everything as a couple so together you can reap double the rewards.