Breakups are almost always going to be difficult, but it’s even worse when it takes you by surprise. Believing that you’re happy in love and then having that phone call, that text, or that conversation that begins ‘We need to talk’, it’s going to be a shock. It will hurt and you may require a session or two of eating you favorite snacks in front of the TV, snuggled in your coziest pajamas. You might want to curl up in bed and cry or constantly ask yourself why but you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to make sense of something where there was not stated cause. Chances are you’ll probably want to call him to find out, but don’t invest any more of your valuable time into someone who didn’t even have the decency to give you a valid reason for ending the relationship.
Making contact when you are the most confused and vulnerable is the worst thing you can do. Talking to him is only going to make your mind wander and remind you of what you’ve lost. Thinking about the good times, you might even feel like begging him to take you back but you have to think logically. You’ve broken up so the relationship isn’t something you both want and isn’t it better for it to end now before you become more attached.
So, what is the most important thing about dealing with a breakup?
Keeping your distance and allowing for some thinking space for both of you. Of course, the temptation is going to be there to look at your old texts, your photos and your happy memories but refrain from doing this at all cost. It is practically impossible to move on and keep clinging on to the past at the same time.
It’s human nature to dwell in the past a bit. It’s even healthy to reminisce and grieve, but doing so for a long period of time is only going to make you feel worse and worse. It might be easy for you to resist obsessing, but if you can’t, consider deleting those messages and emails. Also, temporarily block him from your contacts on your cell phone and social media sites for a while.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that ‘staying friends’ is going to work straight away, because it won’t. There is no doubt that it is going to be difficult but you can’t really continue being friends with him until you’ve moved on. After you get yourself strong, maybe then you can talk to him calmly and rationally but at that point you may not even want to.
A nifty little trick I learned a long time ago to get the closure I needed was to write fake letters that you want to send them but don’t. This helps to get everything off your chest that you wanted to say and does wonders at releasing hurt feelings. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself some time; no matter how bad it seems, no matter how angry you are or sad, it will pass, it always does.